September 2007 - The Early Retirement Offer

“There is something else the Lord wants you to do.”

That was the message that kept rolling around in my brain for several months before I walked away from my career in information technology. When the thought first came to me, I had no idea I’d retire as early as I did. I had no idea what the Lord’s ‘something’ might be, how I’d go about finding it, and how I’d fit it into my work week of fifty plus hours. I definitely had no idea of the journey I would embark upon in the autumn of 2007. It’s a journey I’m still on, and one that will continue for the rest of my life. It’s a journey of peace and joy, faith and discernment, service and fulfillment. But it's also been a journey fraught with self-doubt, apprehension and temptation. Through it all, it’s a journey I am taking with Christ at my side and with the Holy Spirit in my heart.

Did God call me to take an early retirement? I sure thought so last September, when I first heard of my company’s early retirement offer. It seemed that every sermon I heard at Church, every scripture passage I read, and every perceived response to my pondering prayers pointed in that direction. Of course, it didn’t hurt that I had a backlog of assignments piling up, as the team I worked with continued to dwindle. I’d been hoping to retire as soon as I was eligible in 2009 anyway, so this seemed like the perfect opportunity to speed up the timeline. Plus, there was that little nagging message about doing something else for the Lord that gave me confidence.

My husband and I went over our finances, and we decided that we could make do without my income. I joyfully submitted the paperwork to accept the retirement offer, and made list upon list of all the wonderful ways I’d fill my retirement hours: creative endeavors such as writing and jewelry-making, long-neglected household projects, perhaps a low-stress part-time job for extract income, and of course the soon-to-be-revealed mission with my name on it up in heaven. Many were the prayers of thanksgiving and praise I offered for the amazing opportunity being laid out before me.

All September I had walked around sporting the biggest smile imaginable. Even as the demands of my job increased, I just couldn’t keep that “This will all be over soon” grin from creeping over me. I spoke with others eligible for the early retirement package, and was surprised at the agony some of them experienced in making their decisions. I even heard of one person who had submitted her paperwork, but then rescinded it before the allotted 7-day waiting period was over. Strange! One would think a decision like that would not have been made lightly. My husband and I had certainly discussed and planned and prayed, and we were sure that this was the right decision for us.

On the eighth day after I mailed in my acceptance papers, the phone rang at 5 am. In my job, this was not an unusual time to receive a call. Part of my job dissatisfaction stemmed from being responsible for a business application 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But that would soon end; in just a few months those 5 am calls would be going to my replacement, not to me.

I hopped out of bed to grab the phone, and I immediately was slammed with a wave of nausea. My head spun, my knees buckled, and I thought for sure I wouldn’t make it out of the bedroom before I passed out or hurled. But I did make it to the phone, handled a fairly simple system problem, then staggered to the bathroom to vomit. I must have a bug, I thought, or perhaps I got out of bed too quickly. But in the weeks to come I would learn that my illness was not due to a physical condition. It was just good old-fashioned self-doubt, coupled with an unhealthy shot of lack of trust in God. Phase One of my retirement journey started that day, even though my last day of work wouldn’t be for another seven weeks.