Lately I’ve spent a lot time trying to improve my skills in ballroom dancing. While I’ve noticed some progress over that past several months, I have to admit that I’m not a quick study. Despite my best intentions, I still find I sometimes let the mechanics of the steps impede the flow of the dance. Recently, while attempting to learn a complex waltz pattern, one of my partners told me that I was fighting his lead. His comment really jarred me. I wasn’t intentionally trying to work against him! I thought that I was moving according to his lead, but that was obviously not the case. I guess I was more focused on how to execute the new steps than on the cues my partner was giving me with his body.
Later, it occurred to me that I might be having the same issues while trying to discern God’s will. Perhaps I’m focused on details (should I volunteer here? apply to work there? go back to school?) instead of going in the general direction the Lord is leading me. Maybe I’m even fighting His lead, thinking I know the steps better than the Lord knows the dance. I think back to one of the central themes of the book ‘Hearing God’, where Dallas Willard talks about being in the will of God. He writes “…being in the will of God is very far removed from just doing what God wants us to do—so far removed, in fact, that we can be solidly in the will of God, and be aware that we are, without know God’s preference with regard to various details of our lives.” So what does it mean for me to live in God’s will? I believe it means living a prayerful, charitable, and spirit-filled life, no matter what activities I pursue. And, as St. Paul writes in Corinthians 13:13, to have “faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
So now that I am dancing my way through retirement, with the Lord as the best partner I could possibly have, I have found other parallels between dancing and life. Here are some principles I’ve learned from ballroom dancing that can be applied to my relationships with family, friends, and God:
1) Always maintain a good connection. Let your partner know you’re there and that you’re aware of the communication between the two of you.
2) Keep a strong frame, with back straight and arms toned. Sloppy frames lead to miscues and ambiguous signals.
3) Keep your head up at all times … never look at your feet! You need to know in what direction you’re headed, not how you’re going to get there.
4) Keep your shoulders down – don’t try to be taller than you really are.
5) Leaders, place your partner where she needs to be. Followers, settle into your partner’s arm. Be where you belong in the relationship.
6) Move together as a unified couple. Don’t be rising when your partner is falling, or taking your turns too early or too late.
7) Keep your knees bent so you can be flexible when executing turns and taking long strides.
8) Stay close when making turns. The toughest times require close proximity.
9) Don’t fight the lead!
In ballroom dancing, the man is usually the leader and the woman the follower; in other relationships, having a designated leader and follower works well in some situations and not in others. But in our relationship with God, He is always the leader. If we maintain a good connection with Him, keep our receptive arms firm so we feel His guiding touch, look to where He wants us to go, stay true to ourselves, settle ourselves into His arms, move in step with Him, remain flexible, and stay ever close in times of trouble, our dance will be a thing of beauty, grace and elegance.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
Welcoming the New Year
Yes, it’s a new year, and as usual I’ve made an impressive list of resolutions. Many of them are the same as last year …isn’t that true for everyone? I still have 16 objectives, but a few from last year dropped off, replaced with more ambitious aims.
I also went through and graded my performance on my 2008 resolutions. Guess I just can’t get out of the ‘performance review’ mode, even if I’m the one reviewing myself. The goal I did best at last year was to pray daily. I also did a pretty fair job of eating healthfully, exercising, and becoming a better driver (at least by following the rules more closely and avoiding traffic tickets). The resolution I did worst on was quitting my nail-biting. I know it’s absurd for a person my age to continue engaging in this nasty habit, but it’s such a part of me that I often do it unconsciously. In the past I’ve given it up for months at a time, but 2008 was not a banner year in this department. But I have hopes for 2009! I’m going to try a couple new strategies, so we’ll see how they work out.
Anyway, I rated myself on a scale from 1 – 10 on each resolution, with 10 being the best possible score. My average rating was 5.75 per resolution. I definitely got better reviews when I was in the business world. I guess I am one tough boss! Actually, that was one of my 2008 resolutions: not to be so hard on myself. I gave myself a 6 on that one.
As for 2009, I’ve defined two goals in addition to the 16 ways I plan to mold myself into a better person. I don’t call them resolutions because I don’t know that I can accomplish them through my own determination and steadfastness, but I will certainly work at them. The first is to discern my charisms and put them to use according to God’s will. The second is to discover my passion and spend more time pursuing it. Hopefully, these two goals are really one in the same.
When I first retired I made a lot of lists, cataloging the things I like to do, things I’m good at, and things that give me a sense of accomplishment. I thought that this would help me figure out how to fill my time and perhaps even decide on the perfect ‘retirement job’. I wanted to find my passion (the retirement books are big on living out your passion!), but I guess I’m not an especially passionate person, because nothing really jumped out at me.
Later, when I learned about charismatic discernment, I found that the three signs of a charism fit into these same categories. Doing the things I like to do equates to finding joy and peace from exercising a charism; the fact that I’m good at something would be reflected in recognition of my gift from others; and a sense of accomplishment would certainly come about if the results of my efforts were unusually effective and successful. So I was really trying to discern my charisms a year ago, before I even knew what they were all about.
Going back to my original lists, I see that there are some activities that show up in all three categories. One is cooking a really good meal. Easy enough, but I’m not sure I’d consider it a passion, much less a charism. Another is problem-solving. A good skill to be sure, but I really need a context for it. When I worked in IT there were plenty of opportunities for me to solve problems, and I did so on a daily basis. Now I find it rewarding to solve little puzzles through my various hobbies and volunteer experiences, but this is not a major part of my day. Hey, maybe I can apply my problem-solving skill to figuring out how it fits into my elusive charism and/or passion!
Of course, writing appeared on all three lists, too. But in looking back at what I’ve written over the years, (as well as my success in this pursuit, or lack thereof), I know I’m not as good a writer as I like to think I am. It’s too bad I can’t figure out how to use list-making in a constructive manner! I really enjoy doing it, I get a feeling of accomplishment when I cross things off a To Do List, and judging by the number of pages taken up with this endeavor, I’m pretty darned good at it! Then again, quantity does not equate to quality, as my creative writing efforts bear out.
Still, it’s good to have some goals for the coming year. I will mull them over some more while I finish making the soup I started from fish heads and vegetable-scrap stock. Sounds disgusting, but the end result is quite tasty! I do have a knack for cooking a good meal.
I also went through and graded my performance on my 2008 resolutions. Guess I just can’t get out of the ‘performance review’ mode, even if I’m the one reviewing myself. The goal I did best at last year was to pray daily. I also did a pretty fair job of eating healthfully, exercising, and becoming a better driver (at least by following the rules more closely and avoiding traffic tickets). The resolution I did worst on was quitting my nail-biting. I know it’s absurd for a person my age to continue engaging in this nasty habit, but it’s such a part of me that I often do it unconsciously. In the past I’ve given it up for months at a time, but 2008 was not a banner year in this department. But I have hopes for 2009! I’m going to try a couple new strategies, so we’ll see how they work out.
Anyway, I rated myself on a scale from 1 – 10 on each resolution, with 10 being the best possible score. My average rating was 5.75 per resolution. I definitely got better reviews when I was in the business world. I guess I am one tough boss! Actually, that was one of my 2008 resolutions: not to be so hard on myself. I gave myself a 6 on that one.
As for 2009, I’ve defined two goals in addition to the 16 ways I plan to mold myself into a better person. I don’t call them resolutions because I don’t know that I can accomplish them through my own determination and steadfastness, but I will certainly work at them. The first is to discern my charisms and put them to use according to God’s will. The second is to discover my passion and spend more time pursuing it. Hopefully, these two goals are really one in the same.
When I first retired I made a lot of lists, cataloging the things I like to do, things I’m good at, and things that give me a sense of accomplishment. I thought that this would help me figure out how to fill my time and perhaps even decide on the perfect ‘retirement job’. I wanted to find my passion (the retirement books are big on living out your passion!), but I guess I’m not an especially passionate person, because nothing really jumped out at me.
Later, when I learned about charismatic discernment, I found that the three signs of a charism fit into these same categories. Doing the things I like to do equates to finding joy and peace from exercising a charism; the fact that I’m good at something would be reflected in recognition of my gift from others; and a sense of accomplishment would certainly come about if the results of my efforts were unusually effective and successful. So I was really trying to discern my charisms a year ago, before I even knew what they were all about.
Going back to my original lists, I see that there are some activities that show up in all three categories. One is cooking a really good meal. Easy enough, but I’m not sure I’d consider it a passion, much less a charism. Another is problem-solving. A good skill to be sure, but I really need a context for it. When I worked in IT there were plenty of opportunities for me to solve problems, and I did so on a daily basis. Now I find it rewarding to solve little puzzles through my various hobbies and volunteer experiences, but this is not a major part of my day. Hey, maybe I can apply my problem-solving skill to figuring out how it fits into my elusive charism and/or passion!
Of course, writing appeared on all three lists, too. But in looking back at what I’ve written over the years, (as well as my success in this pursuit, or lack thereof), I know I’m not as good a writer as I like to think I am. It’s too bad I can’t figure out how to use list-making in a constructive manner! I really enjoy doing it, I get a feeling of accomplishment when I cross things off a To Do List, and judging by the number of pages taken up with this endeavor, I’m pretty darned good at it! Then again, quantity does not equate to quality, as my creative writing efforts bear out.
Still, it’s good to have some goals for the coming year. I will mull them over some more while I finish making the soup I started from fish heads and vegetable-scrap stock. Sounds disgusting, but the end result is quite tasty! I do have a knack for cooking a good meal.
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