October 2008 – Being in God’s Will

Reading the book ‘Hearing God’ by Dallas Willard helped put things in perspective for me. I was touched by the stories of people who had heard God’s voice, as well as by the frustration of those who did not have this experience, yet longed for it. It was comforting to know that I wasn’t the only person to have this yet unrealized yearning.

I cannot begin to impart all of the insight I gained from this inspirational book. One idea that hit home with me was that perhaps my motives to hear God’s voice, as with my desire to discern my charisms, were less than ideal. Willard stated that many people “seek to hear God solely as a device for securing their own safety, comfort and righteousness.” How familiar this sounded! I was indeed looking confirmation that my retirement decision had been a righteous one, and that, despite the loss of my salary, our financial situation would still provide us with safety, security and comfort.

Thus I began to re-examine my motives for going down my chosen spiritual path. I realized that my attempts at discernment and hearing God often resulted in feelings of failure or even desperation, and I knew I this was not the outcome God intended. I was determined to put that desperation aside, and to live in the present. I would continue to pray, read, discern, and engage in acts of service and mercy through my volunteer work, but if I did not garner any major revelations from my efforts, I would not lose faith. Most importantly, I would try to live the kind of life that would please God, or as Dallas Willard calls it, to “be in the will of God.”

Willard explains that “…being in the will of God is very far removed from just doing what God wants us to do—so far removed, in fact, that we can be solidly in the will of God, and be aware that we are, without know God’s preference with regard to various details of our lives.” So now my primary purpose was simply to live a Christ-like life to the best of my ability. I no longer needed to look for clues regarding the specific details of my existence, be they where to volunteer, what to study in school, where to look for part-time work, or how to embark on my next great mission from God. I just needed to be aware of the needs of those around me, and to listen to my heart. For I truly believed that God would speak to my heart when the time was right.

Even my attitude toward discerning my charisms had changed. I was no longer desperate to prove that I had a charism for writing or service, or for any other gift. I continued to engage in the pastimes I loved and found the most rewarding. This included volunteer work with the St. Vincent de Paul Society and the Helping Place, as well as my personal pleasures such as reading, writing, beading, and dancing. About once a week I evaluated my various undertakings against the three signs of a charism: personal joy, exceptional results, and recognition from others. Though none of my endeavors had yielded extraordinary results or more than a passing appreciation from others, I was finding great joy in all of them. With each new experience and each new person I met, I felt my life was being enriched and blessed. And through God’s grace, perhaps some of those blessings were returned to the people I sought to serve.