Into the Silence

For a person who can have as much ‘quiet time’ as I want during the day, I didn’t think participation in a silent retreat would be all that special. Still, when I learned of the retreat in my Praying with the Scriptures group, something told me that I should go. I had no idea what was meant by a ‘directed’ retreat, but I sent in my registration form nonetheless, and headed to the retreat center in a northern suburb on the last weekend in May.

I loved everything about the experience from the moment I arrived. Sister Rosemarie, whom I’d met at the convent where our prayer group was held, was there to greet me and show me to my room. After I settled in, I joined her and the other retreat participants for a light supper. I felt an immediate bond with these women, even though I’d never met most of them (a few were Praying with Scriptures ‘alumni’ too). Our meal was not silent, so I got to learn a little bit about each of them through our brief conversations. Afterwards, we headed to a cozy meeting room where we met the retreat’s three spiritual directors.

Our orientation opened with introductions, song and prayer. The directors then gave us an overview of the weekend. They explained that except for our noon meal in the cafeteria and our sessions with our individual spiritual directors, we were to remain silent so as to devote all of our thoughts and words to the Lord. We could spend our time reading scriptures or other materials, praying, meditating, journaling, or just communing with nature. It all sounded very peaceful!

The directors distributed handouts with suggested scripture readings, instructions on how to pray and how to review our prayer sessions, the role of a spiritual director, awareness exercises, and much more. It was a lot to read, but I didn’t feel overwhelmed; I knew I had a lot of time to devour this information, and was ready to plunge in.

After each retreatant was assigned times for meeting with her spiritual director, we went to our rooms. It was only about 8:30 pm and I figured I’d be able to go to bed early for a change. I knew that Terry was at our Friday night dance, and if I had been home I’d be there too, not getting to bed till after midnight. I decided to read the first suggested reading on the list, John 1:35-38. It was short but powerful. I meditated on it for almost an hour, and then wrote in my journal for another hour. Even after I climbed into bed, I continued to imagine myself in the room where Christ had invited me to ‘Come and See’ where He was staying. I had a wonderful conversation with Him (or colloquy, as I learned it is called in one of the handouts). I still went to sleep before midnight, and had the most restful 8 hours of sleep that I’d had in ages!

And so it went the entire weekend. It was amazingly easy for me to block out distracting thoughts of everyday life and simply pray, ponder the scriptures, or have a running conversation with Christ. I also seemed to have heightened awareness of my surroundings, savoring each bite of food, basking in the warmth of the sun, appreciating the beauty of the serene wooded grounds. Toward the end of the retreat I realized that I hadn’t bitten my fingernails all weekend. At home I’d been trying so hard (with mild success) to break myself of this habit, but here the thought had never entered my mind.

The sessions with my spiritual director were was also great blessings. Dianne was soft-spoken and empathic, listening kindly as I told of the initial anxiety over my retirement decision, my search for a purposeful life, and the joy I received from my fruitful prayer sessions. In keeping with her role, she didn’t offer a lot of advice, but did share a couple of insights. Regarding my desire to discern God’s plan for me, she said that sometimes all He wants is for us to “Suit up and show up.” For me, that means continuing with my daily prayer meditations, and keeping the Lord in my consciousness every single day. She suggested that I look for God in everything I do: dancing, working with youth, volunteering, relating to family and friends. Look too, she said, for the gifts I might bring to each of these situations, as well as those gifts that others bring from my benefit. Her comments echoed ideas I’ve considered in the past, but it was good to hear someone else put them into words.

Throughout the weekend I continued to mull over Dianne’s comments, which, along with my own prayerful reflections, evolved into what I came to dub my ‘Four Step Plan’. So here is my new approach for leading a meaningful and Spirit-filled life:

1) Look for God in everyone I meet and in everything I do.
2) Look for ways that the Holy Spirit has gifted me so I can make these events blessing to others. Think about how I can use these same gifts in other situations.
3) Look for ways that the Holy Spirit is working through others to instruct and inspire me. Reap the benefits of these gifts for my own spiritual, mental, and emotional growth.
4) Pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit to decide which activities I should cultivate, and which I should diminish, or even eliminate. I felt then, as I do now, that when I am engaged in the work God intends for me, I will know that it’s right beyond a shadow of a doubt. Just as I knew that coming to this retreat was the right thing to do.

Our weekend closed with a sharing of experiences by the other retreatants, which were often poignant and uplifting. As I drove back home, I thanked God for all of the blessings I received from the scriptures, from the other retreat participants, from the spiritual directors, and from the presence of God that came to me in the silence. I’m looking forward to putting my Four Step Plan into practice, and to going back for comfort and conversation to the room where Jesus invited me to “Come and see” where He lives.